Synopsis

Cartman, South Park Elementary’s new hallway monitor, takes it personally when he finds out that a teacher has been kissing a student in his jurisdiction. He helps Kyle stop his little brother’s affair with his “Nice” hot teacher.

Full Recap

Cartman is being brought to the principal’s office by the hallway monitor that he mocks. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey inform Cartman that it is his turn to be hallway monitor. He is warned not to take his job too seriously or abuse the power, but we know that isn’t going to happen. Armed with bear mace and dressed like “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” Cartman “Dawg” makes a video and begins to patrol the halls. In the hallway Cartman finds some litter, a crumpled up drawing done by Ike that shows that he has a crush on his teacher. Cartman interrupts the kindergarten class with this news, which makes Ike the victim of taunts by his fellow students. But his teacher, Miss Stevenson is flattered by the attention, in fact while talking about it and how wrong it is she realizes she has feelings for him to. In a montage to Reo Speedwagon’s “I Can't Fight This Feeling” they ultimately wind up consummating their love for each other. Meanwhile Cartman keeps up with his hallway monitoring duties. Kyle’s mother wants him to go to Ike’s teacher’s house to pick his little brother up. Kyle finds Ike and his teacher in a compromising position in the bathtub. Kyle wants to know what is going on. Miss Stevenson tries to explain the situation. At dinner that night, Kyle tries to tell his parents what’s going on, but Ike makes it difficult for him. When he can’t tell his parents, Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire  he goes to the Park County Police department, where they think it is “Nice” that this hot teacher is having sex with the boy that they are going to track him down and “give him his luckiest boy in America medal right away.”
Kyle starts to tell Stan and Kenny about his brother’s situation when Cartman interrupts performing his hall monitoring duties. Kyle manages to tell them all, but Cartman isn’t interested in helping, until he finds out that Ike and his teacher have been kissing in the hallway, which is a clear violation of school policy. When Cartman finds Ike and his teacher in the hallway, he brings them to the principal’s office and Principal Victoria gets the police involved. As Miss Stevenson is being escorted from the school, the men in town wonder why this never happened to them when they were growing up. Ike is mad at his brother, who is now “dead to me.” Miss Stevenson tells Ike not to worry; she has a way out the situation. At a press conference, she blames her problem on alcoholism, in what Cartman identifies as the “Mel Gibson Defense.” She goes to the Park County Drug & Alcohol Rehabilitation Center and after a quick session with a counselor she is released. She goes and picks up Ike, with plans to go to Milan. Kyle sees them drive off together.
Kyle and his mother go to the Park County Police Department, where Sheila finds they are reluctant to immediately help her out. Kyle finds out from Cartman that his brother hasn’t left the country yet. Kyle joins Cartman and his crew and after a quick video shoot they go to the hotel where Ike and his teacher are staying. Armed with bear mace they swarm into the Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire  hotel looking for the couple and soon the police arrive. Ike and Miss Stevenson make their way to the roof, where they are cornered. Miss Stevenson realizes that they will have to go with their backup plan, which will let their love live together in eternity, she plans on the pair of them jumping to their death. She grabs Ike’s hand and they make for the edge, but what Kyle just told his little brother about still having a future must have worked, because Miss Stevenson is the only who goes over the edge to her death. According to the Dawg, that’s what happens if you don’t go with Christ.